The Winds of Change are Blowing

This has been the coldest spring in the Northwest of the United States in 120 years of recorded history. And, sadly enough, this makes me one of the people who can say they witnessed it first hand. It hasn't reached 70 degrees since November 3. And, as of today, May 15, there is no forecast saying that will change anytime soon. This makes my bones ache.  A lot.

In February I was lucky, however, to spend 2 1/2 weeks in Costa Rica with my son, daughter-in-law, and granddaughter, 2 1/2 year old Jordan. We spent one week on the Caribbean side and over a week on the Pacific side of the country. Christopher and Kelly had visited CR previously, but this was the first time for me.

What a sense of bliss to be there and feel warm every day, wear light breezy clothing, flip-flops, and feel that Vitamin D seep into my pores. My skin felt clean and refreshed. Swimming every day in the ocean or the pool at one of the houses Christopher rented for us, was like slipping into a daydream which happened to be real. I felt gauzy. Billowing in the wind. Floating on the sand while waves lapped over my sandy feet. OK, so I wasn't really floating and I can't walk on water, but it felt sooo good.

While we were on the Pacific side near Dominical, we drove up to San Isidro de La General so I could meet up with an old friend from Boulder, Colorado. We both worked at the same greeting card company; she the artist and me the HR management. It wasn't until I was about the leave the company and the state that we connected. Turned out she was moving back to Costa Rica to live and I was moving to Seattle to struggle. We lost touch. That was 17 years ago.

When we met up at the Thursday market in an Isidro, it was like no time had passed. Jan drove the both of us back to her place for lunch and to chat for a couple of hours while my family explored the town. She has a awesome home with an art studio, land, river, dogs, cats, peace and quiet. It was lovely.  Knowing that going home was only a couple of days away was a bitter pill to swallow.

Back to Seattle, and the rains that have gone on forever, continues to give me a lot of time to think about what I am going to do now at this juncture of my life. After leaving my other management job at an art college, not happily, I might add, I've sent out resumes and lived off Unemployment and credit cards, while I continue to do home improvement projects and see my grandson, daughter, son-in-law, and friends to remain sane. I've kept up with the mortgage on my condo as well as the bills, but the balances are climbing. Time is getting shorter as far as figuring all of this out.  I feel as if I am on a deadline.  I am also waiting for a small settlement from the college to 'compensate' me for the horrid manner  my new manager treated me as he was trying to get me out the door to save money for his department (Finance for him and Property Management for me).  The stress was so horrific that I contracted Graves Disease on top of it all loosing 50 pounds in a very short amount of time. This man was really crafty on how he tried to sabotage my work, make the working conditions unbearable, and have unreasonable demands just to set me up to fail. Oh, did I mention I worked there almost 15 years with a spotless record, promotions, raises, and that I am 61 years old now. I was just turning 60 when the gates were closing on my career and livelihood.  Talk about harassment and ageism!

Shortly after I left by walking out the door after one too many so-called write ups (first time in my life), a friend who worked for an airline put me on her staff travel and I was able to do a little traveling for very little cost, while still looking for work using my laptop, no matter where I was. I even applied for a property management job at a chateau in France. Problem is, I don't speak French. That's a bit of a problem when looking for work in a foreign country, as you can imagine.

For the last year and a half I have been trying to figure out the rest of my life while battling this disease I had never heard of before in my life. Tests were performed, medications were administered, large amount of weight lost and then gained back plus some especially due to the first endocrinologist (doctor number 1) over medicating me. Finally, after doctor number 2 took me off the meds, doctor number 3 put me on a small dose instead of doing the radiation treatment that doctor 2 wanted to perform, and I seem to be somewhat stable at the moment. Graves Disease is an insidious disease which wrecks havoc on your body, mind, and spirit. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, not that I have any...except that new manager at the college who tried to break my spirit and cause me the worse anxiety I've ever had in my life.

To top it all off, as if I didn't have enough stress, I am sanding the wood trim on four floor to almost ceiling windows which face my deck. This is turning into a huge, and I mean really huge, undertaking for me. Now that the flat surfaces have all the old white paint removed, I have the grooves and niches to do which are very time-consuming and frustrating.  But, I have to finish what I started.

Last week I spoke on the phone with an old high school friend from San Francisco who experienced many of the early hippie days with me. We know each other very well. Sue (who lives in Southern Oregon) is worried about me but as I was explaining the latest developments, I told her that I knew when the time was right, there would be a sign. You know, when one door closes a window opens, or something like that. That was Thursday when we spoke. I think. Or maybe it was Wednesday.  What I do know is that it was just before my landline stopped working because later in the day it was shut off along with many of the extra cable channels I had subscribed to per my request. Next is the newspaper. That one bites, too, because I like reading the paper with my coffee in the morning, dammit. (Big sigh.)

And, a week ago, the day before Mother's Day, I met up with another old friend who lives in Southern Oregon as well and was in town visiting her daughter who is about to graduate from the University of Washington. Larken and I haven't seen one another for 32 years, which we figured out because she was pregnant with her first child by her second husband at the time. But, gray hair and wrinkles didn't make any difference as we picked up where we left off. We caught each other up on the last 32 years and I summarized my life as "going corporate and that didn't work out very well." I didn't tell her about the long distance relationship and friendship I had with a former president (and my boss) of one of the high tech companies I worked for which lasted almost 25 years of the last 32. Her life was one of true love, working, children, grandchildren, building a home, and living off the land. I am happy for her and what a contrast to what I have managed to do with my life. What happened to me? What happened to my old hippie values? What happened to my vegetable gardens? Where was my simple life? Now I have a two bedroom condo filled to the brim with lovely things that I have to dust. What's wrong with this picture?  In Dominical, one day at the beach, I wore a long skirt and flowy blouse.  I actually had not felt so good in years.  Pura Vida.

So, a day, or maybe two, after my phone conversation with Sue about doors and windows and signs, at 7 a.m. Friday morning, the 13th of May, I got an email from Jan in Costa Rica. She asked me if I would be interested in renting her big house for a small amount of rent which included a maid! She wants to also make a change in her life and if someone rents her house, she can live in her art studio and the renter can also take care of her 5 dogs and 3 cats while she travels, which she can't do right now because of them. I told her I'd think about it, for maybe the next 60 seconds, and get back to her.

In one day, my life changed. I made a plane reservation before the special airfare sale to Costa Rica expired at 3 p.m., and still was able to keep my original plans to spend time in Denver with Jordan who will turn three at the end of July. The special airfare deal was contingent on certain dates and only a one week window. So, I'll spend one week in San Isidro visiting Jan and getting a feel for what it could be like living there. Hope to get to the beach in Dominical, too, as well as the marvelous fruit and vege market on Thursday in San Isidro.

There is a chance I will stay in the States; there is a chance I will move to San Isidro, Costa Rica. It's a huge undertaking taking into account my possessions, the fact that my condo is now worth less than what I paid for it, and most of all, leaving my family. My grandson who lives about a mile away from me spends at least one night a week at my place. We are very close and I would miss him. But he turns 6 on November 7, two days after my birthday, which means he can fly independent of parents or guardians. For an extra fee, a flight attendant will be sure he gets to his destination and then he could spend holidays with me. Unfortunately, his mother, my daughter, became terrified of flying about 10 years ago.  But there is also Skype, which hopefully Microsoft won't ruin with high fees. Thank goodness for email and the internet.

I am writing this on a Sunday evening and will keep a running commentary on my progress. I've been reading up on 'pensionados' in CR and the healthcare system available there which would be of a great help. Yesterday, coincidentally I had an hour and a half free Spanish language class scheduled at the Rick Steves' Center down the road in Edmonds (where I actually live) so that gave me a little better grip on the language. A little. I'm not a wiz when it comes to learning new languages, unfortunately. I was a sad case using Italian during the several times I visited my son-in-law's family and a friend of mine in Venice. I swear I will never ask for another 'latte' in an Italian bar. I am tired of getting a glass of milk instead of a coffee with milk.

This may all be a pipe dream, I don't know.  But what I do know is that I have to find my inner peace again.  I need to stay afloat financially.  I need to take care of my health (I lost weight and felt great in February while in CR).  I need to breathe and know everything will be all right.  At least for now.